


Make The Pain Stop

by MysteriousMidnight



Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: All The Usual Warnings for Dear Evan Hansen, Angst, Anxiety, Conguel, Depression, Explicit Language, Kleinguel, Kleinguel is Jared and Miguel, M/M, Miconman, Miconman is Miguel and Connor and Jared, Multi, One Shot, Other, Panic Attacks, Suicide, kleinphy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousMidnight/pseuds/MysteriousMidnight
Summary: When Connor overdoses and ends up in a coma, Jared and Miguel have to come to terms with the fact that they might lose him.
Relationships: Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Miguel, Miguel/Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757371
Comments: 15
Kudos: 25





	Make The Pain Stop

**Author's Note:**

> Miconman is a ship that a tumblr mutual and I made up. Kinda like Sincerely Three, but it's Connor, Jared and Miguel. 
> 
> I JUST wrote a Connor Dies AU where he and Evan were ACTUALLY friends. And then my tumblr mutual requested this. I'M SO EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED FROM WRITING CONNOR DYING, GUYS. But I hope you enjoy this, nonetheless :) 
> 
> And thank you to Rowan on tumblr for requesting this! It HURT to write, but I'm excited to write more of this dynamic, if people enjoy it! SO... If you enjoy this, please let me know! I have a ton more ideas for this trio :D
> 
> UPDATE 12/13/2020: I wrote an alternate ending to this fic! Find it here -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/28041801/chapters/68697093

Evan nearly levitated when Jared came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Heya, Acorn,” Jared quipped, putting his hands up and stepping back. “What’s got you trembling? A breeze in your leaves?” He cackled at his own joke.

Evan glared at him, clutching his books close to his body. “You’re not- that’s not- Just...” His eyes darted around, like he was looking for someone.

Jared frowned. “Okay, but seriously?”

Evan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just, um... C-Connor Murphy- He, um-“

“What _about_ Connor?” Jared demanded. He hadn’t seen Connor since he’d made the school shooter crack that morning, and he’d been feeling guilty ever since. He’d taken it too far, and he owed Connor an apology.

“He just... After you, you know, called him a school shooter and ran, I kind of... I laughed? And I didn’t mean to, I swear, I just- I got- it was just-“

“Evan,” Jared snapped. “I don’t care, just spit it out.”

Evan’s eyes widened. Jared rarely yelled at him... He swallowed back his tears. “He pushed me and he ran. And-and then he found me later in the computer lab. And I think he was trying to apologize. He even signed my cast.” He held it up to show Jared. “B-but...“ He started to shake, looking terrified. His breathing became ragged, and he leaned back into the lockers like he couldn’t hold himself up anymore.

“Evan, _breathe_ ,” Jared said firmly. “In and out, right?” This wasn’t the first time Jared had talked Evan through a panic attack; he was usually calmer about it, though. But he needed to know what had happened to Connor.

Evan nodded, doing as Jared said. It took a few minutes, but he finally calmed down enough to continue speaking.

“He took my- this, um... This letter I had to- um, it was an assignment.. a letter to-to myself, and-“

“A letter to yourself?” Jared snapped. “What the crap does that even mean? Is it, like, a sex thing?”

“ _No_!” Evan spluttered. “It’s not a _sex_ thing. It was... just... It doesn’t matter. Connor took it and it- he got mad because it mentioned-“

Jared groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t talk about your creepy crush on Zoe in your sex letter.” Jared knew Connor wasn’t close to his sister anymore, but he was wracked with guilt over the way he’d treated her, and he was still _very_ protective of her.

Evan blushed. “He just... he read that part and, I guess he freaked out and he ran off and-and... oh god, do you think he’ll show it to people?”

“He’s gonna ruin your life with it,” Jared shrugged, trying to play it off like his heart wasn’t beating a million miles in his chest. “I mean, I would.”

Evan whimpered, eyes wide with panic. “W-what do I do..???”

Jared shrugged, already starting to walk away. “I dunno... Maybe he won’t do anything, you never know...” He was practically out to the front doors before the final bell had even rung. He shouted a quick “later!” at Evan before bolting to the senior parking lot and jumping in his car. He pulled his phone out.

**Jared: Yo, where are you? Haven’t seen u all day.**

Ten minutes went by without a response.

**Jared: Evan told me what happened. He’s cool, man, he wasn’t trying to be creepy. Not defending him, but u don’t have to worry he’s gonna, like, be a creep to Zoe or anything.**

Still nothing.

“Fuck,” Jared grumbled. He switched over to another text thread.

**Jared: Dude, have u heard from Connor?**

**Miguel: He messaged me earlier but I was at work. Tried to reply but my boss caught me with my phone and I had to stop. I messaged him when I got home but he hasn’t replied. Why?**

“Shit shit shit,” Jared groaned, throwing his head back.

**Jared: Can I come over?**

**Miguel: Sure, my mom won’t be home till later**

Jared didn’t bother taking the time to reply. He just threw the car into drive and sped off.

~*~*~

Miguel and Connor both lived on the other side of town, just on the edge of the school district. Miguel had gone to his fancy private school, Hanover, so it hadn’t mattered. But if Connor had lived just a few blocks over, he would have been in the neighboring district, and Jared may never have met him and, in turn, would never have met Miguel. He couldn’t imagine his life without Connor and Miguel.

His hands gripped the wheel as he made the turn onto Miguel’s street, nearly crying with relief when his house came into view. He parked on the street and ran inside, heading straight up to Miguel’s room.

Miguel turned when he heard Jared enter the room, grinning at him. “Hey, _pendejo_. What’s-“ He paused, taking in Jared’s panicked face. “What’s wrong?”

“Connor left school this morning and never came back. And he isn’t answering either of our texts.”

Miguel frowned. “Okay. Okay, well.. that’s not _so_ unusual for him. You know how he gets sometimes.”

“I know, I _know_ ,” Jared sighed. “But I’m worried. He’s been so withdrawn lately. I-I might have gone too far with a joke I made this morning. I wanted to apologize, I-“

Miguel stepped forward, arms wrapping around Jared. “It’s okay, _pendejo_.” Jared buried his face in Miguel’s shoulder, breathing his spicy scent in. “If we don’t hear from him by tomorrow, maybe you can try asking his sister.”

Jared pulled back. “I haven’t spoken a _word_ to Zoe in my life. She’ll definitely be suspicious if I try talking to her.”

“She will be, sure, but at least you’ll find out what’s going on.”

“If she even tells me,” Jared grumbled, crossing him arms. “She’s seen me bully Connor so many times, she’ll probably think I’m trying to get dirt on him to humiliate him when he’s back at school.”

Miguel stepper closer, running a finger under Jared’s glasses, brushing away the few tears that Jared hadn’t been able to hold back. He hated crying in front of people. He hadn’t cried in front of his parents in years. Evan had seen him cry once, but Evan wasn’t one to judge; he cried during cheesy rom-coms all the time.

Miguel and Connor were the only ones who really saw the real him, though. All of him. Literally and figuratively. He felt safe around them, he knew they wouldn’t judge him.

“Do you wanna stay for dinner? My mom will be home late but we’ve got some leftovers in the fridge.”

Jared nodded. He didn’t want to go home yet. He’d have to put a poker face on for his parents, and then he’d be alone with his thoughts. He quickly texted his parents to let them know he was studying with Evan (Evan always backed him up on this, no questions asked).

“Come on,” Miguel said, tugging him to the bed. He lay down, holding his arms out for Jared. Jared put his glasses on the night table, then crawled in next to him, collapsing with his head on Miguel’s chest.

“Take a nap, I’ll wake you in a little bit.” Miguel rubbed Jared’s back until the tension left his body and his breathing evened out.

Miguel planted a kiss on Jared’s head, then stared up at the ceiling. Though he’d tried to remain calm for Jared’s sake, he was worried. Connor had definitely been withdrawing lately, despite his and Jared’s efforts to keep him grounded and centered. He’d been fighting with his parents more, skipping class more, and smoking more. And though Miguel couldn’t get him to admit it, he was pretty sure Connor was abusing Adderall and sleeping pills again - a combination he’d first discovered at Hanover, and had used to get through exams.

He sighed, continuing to rub Jared’s back with one hand, while using the other to text Connor again. But he was met with radio silence.

~*~*~

Connor wasn’t by his locker the next day. Or the day after that. Zoe was also MIA, which was even more worrying. By the third day, Jared was in a state of panic that he’d never experienced before. He’d spent the last two nights at Miguel’s house because the idea of being alone with his thoughts terrified him. They had agreed that, if Connor wasn’t in school today, they’d go to his house. He’d kill them for showing up unannounced but they didn’t care - they were too worried to care.

Jared had a test in English, but he couldn’t focus at all. He kept staring at Connor’s empty seat, his mind going to Very Bad places.

“Evan.”

Evan jumped, eyes widening as the teacher approached his desk.

“The principal would like to see you. Please leave your test with me, you can finish it at lunch.”

“I... but..” Evan gulped. “O-okay.”

Jared frowned. What could the principal possibly want with Evan? He watched Evan leave, staring after him until the teacher reminded him to keep his eyes on his own paper.

The second the bell rang, he practically threw his paper at the teacher in his hurry to get to the principal’s office. He got there just as Evan emerged, looking pale and shaky. Jared ran over, startling Evan so badly, he dropped his bag.

“What happened? Who are they?” He asked, glancing at an older couple in the office. The woman looked like she’d been crying, and she was clutching a piece of paper in her hands.

“I-I-I-I-I-“ Evan was malfunctioning. His eyes were wide and blank, his mouth hanging open. He was white as a ghost.

“Evan, dude! Snap out of it! What was that all about?”

Evan finally looked up at Jared. He shook his head, slapped a hand over his mouth, and bolted.

“Evan!” Jared called, turning to run after him.

“Excuse me.”

Jared paused, glancing at the couple from the office.

“Do you know that boy?” The woman asked, lip trembling.

“Evan? Yeah? What’s it to you?”

“Did you see what happened between him and ... and Connor Murphy a few days ago?”

Jared frowned. Why would they - Oh. “You’re Connor’s parents...”

They exchanged a look. The man mumbled something to his wife. She nodded and shuffled off towards the exit. The man turned his attention to Jared, puffing up to his full height. Jared fought the urge to roll his eyes. He’d heard enough stories from Connor about his douchebag father, he wasn’t going to be intimidated by the man.

“Are you and Connor... friends?” He paused, frowning. “We - my wife and I - we thought that Evan was Connor’s friend. The letter.. it said..” He shook his head, scowling. “Do you know Connor?”

Jared hesitated. Connor would kill him... But he needed to know what was going on. “Yeah, we’re friends. What’s going on? Why hasn’t he been in school?”

“Connor...” The man huffed, shaking his head again. “He tried to take his own life.”

Jared staggered back, the words like a physical blow. “W-what? Is he... You said _tried_..?”

“My wife found him, called for an ambulance. But he’s... he’s in a coma. The doctors don’t know...” He cleared his throat. “We were hoping Evan would know what had happened, if there had been any signs, but... Maybe you-?”

Jared froze. He didn’t know how much he should or shouldn’t say. “I-I only saw him that morning. He was...” He shrugged. “Kind of moody, I guess. But that wasn’t unusual for him.”

Mr. Murphy frowned at Jared. “Did he say anything? Do anything? Did he give ANY indication that he was going to...” He twisted his wedding band around on his finger, agitated.

Jared hesitated again. Connor hadn’t been sleeping. He’d been high more often than not. He’d been grumpy and moody and a little bit snippy. But none of those things were unusual. Connor had his moods and they always passed.

“If you KNOW something,” Mr. Murphy said firmly, taking a step closer to Jared.

Jared shook his head, taking a step back. “Is he... will he be okay? I mean, he’ll wake up, right?”

“The doctors... they don’t know,” Mr. Murphy replied, shaking his head. “He’s still ... They’re still monitoring him and running tests.”

Jared felt like he was going to be sick. He had to get out of there. He had to get Miguel.

“Can he have visitors?” He finally asked.

Mr. Murphy frowned. “I suppose so. He’s at Mercy Hospital, room 2201.”

Jared nodded, turning to leave. He bumped into Evan, who stumbled back, looking worse than he had before he’d run away. Mr. Murphy frowned at Evan. He opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind, and stalked away.

“I’m sorry,” Evan moaned. “I think I need to go home. I can’t... Connor tried to _kill himself_. He had my letter on him, oh my god.” He wrapped his arms around his middle, like he was trying to shrink into himself. “They thought my letter was his suicide note. They thought we were friends. I-I tried to explain what happened but- Jared?”

Jared wasn’t sure what Evan saw in his eyes, but Evan stepped closer, reaching a hand out as if to rest it on Jared’s arm. Jared flinched back.

“Are you...? Can I... Should I get a teacher? You don’t look good... I mean, you just look- Hey, are you _crying_?”

Jared took his glasses off, rubbing at his eyes. Sure enough, his hand came away wet. Fuck.

“I gotta go... I gotta... I need to just...” Jared felt like his brain was malfunctioning. Like someone was sitting on his chest and crushing him. He gasped for air, sinking to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

“Jared?” Evan asked in alarm, sitting beside his friend. He hesitated before wrapping an arm around Jared’s shoulder.

Jared started to pull away, surprised and uncomfortable by the show of affection. But then he sank into it, sobbing into Evan’s side.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, sniffling. He needed to compose himself, he needed to get Miguel and they needed to get to Connor.

Thank god class was in session and there weren’t many people in the halls. Jared would never be able to show his face again, otherwise. He still wasn’t sure if he could. He’d never broken down like this in front of anyone besides Miguel and Connor, and he felt shitty and vulnerable and uncomfortable.

“Jared...” Evan said carefully.

Jared jumped to his feet. “You tell _anyone_ about this, I swear, Evan..”

Evan scrambled up. “I won’t, I swear. But what-“

“I gotta go,” he snapped, making a break for the doors. He didn’t calm down until he was safely locked away in his car.

**Jared: Coming to u. Meet me outside. Explain on way.**

Jared didn’t wait for Miguel’s answer. He started the car and drove. When he arrived twenty minutes later, Miguel was waiting for him. Jared rolled to a stop long enough for Miguel to scramble in, and then he was driving again.

“What’s going on, _pendejo_?” he asked, glancing nervously at the speedometer, then back at Jared.

Jared gripped the wheel. “Connor’s parents came to the school today.”

Miguel paled, staring at Jared. “What.. Is he..?“

“Alive but in a coma,” Jared said flatly. He’d thrown his walls back up again, something he didn’t normally do in front of Miguel, but he didn’t want to cry again. He couldn’t.

Miguel fell silent, numb.

They arrived at the hospital faster than they should have. Jared wasn’t sure how fast he had been going, exactly, but he’d gotten them there in one piece. They ran inside and up to the second floor.

“We’re here to see Connor Murphy. Room 2201.”

“Are you family?” The nurse asked, frowning at them.

“Cousins,” Miguel said quickly, flashing his most charming smile. The nurse narrowed her eyes, not falling for his charms, but pointed them in the right direction.

“I’d laugh my ass off at you right now, if I weren’t so worried about Connor,” Jared quipped.

Miguel scowled at him. “That _always_ works. I must be off my game today..”

“No shit, we’re in a _hospital_ to visit our boyfriend who just OD’d. I’d be concerned if you _were_ on your game, dude.”

Miguel harrumphed at him, but they both came to a stop when they reached Connor’s room.

Jared grabbed Miguel’s hand and squeezed. Miguel squeezed back. The Murphy’s were nowhere to be seen. So they each took one more second to compose themselves before walking into the room and stepping up to Connor’s bedside.

Jared whimpered, turning in to Miguel’s side. Miguel wrapped an arm around him, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fall. Connor looked so... small. So pale. His hair looked dirty and tangled, his lips chapped so badly they looked like they had bled. His nail polish had been picked off to a point that his nails looked almost naked. He had tubes and needles everywhere, a blood pressure cuff, a pulse monitor. The IV stand had three different bags attached to it.

Miguel shifted forward, keeping his arm around Jared, but moving just enough so he could hold Connor’s hand.

“His hand is like ice,” Miguel shivered. Usually Connor was like their personal heater. It almost unsettled him more than the other stuff. Almost.

“Can we help you?”

Miguel quickly dropped Connor’s hand, and Jared pulled away from his side. The Murphy’s stood before them, looking incredibly confused.

“Oh, you’re that boy we met at the school today... I’m- I didn’t get your name, I’m so sorry,” Cynthia apologized, her smile watery.

Jared opened his mouth, but he couldn’t her his voice to work.

“Jared,” Miguel filled in, pointing at him. “And I’m Miguel.”

“Did.. Were you friends with Connor, too?” Larry asked, looking completely perplexed, like the idea that his son had more than one friend was completely unfathomable.

“You could say that,” Miguel said, after a moment’s hesitation. 

“Wait,” Zoe demanded, turning to look at Jared. “Friends? You and Connor? The only time I ever saw you talking to my brother, you were bullying him.”

Jared’s mouth fell open. “I- No, it wasn’t like that.”

“Yeah it was,” Zoe snapped. “I _heard_ you. You called him a school shooter.”

“What?” Cynthia demanded, as Larry stalked towards him, anger in his eyes.

Jared shook his head frantically, stepping closer to Miguel. Miguel gave his hand a squeeze. Larry paused, staring at their laced fingers. He took a step back.

“We _were_ friends,” Jared insisted. “I just.. We had a... He didn’t want anyone to know we were friends, so we pretended to hate each other at school. The school shooter joke was too far, I know that. But I was _going_ to apologize. And then.. And then...” He glanced at Connor, a small whimper escaping.

“Why didn’t he want anyone to know you were friends?” Cynthia asked with a frown. Almost as if in answer, Larry glanced down at Jared and Miguel’s clasped hands, then back up at them. Jared sneered at him.

“Yeah, no, it wasn’t because of this” he snapped at Larry, raising their hands higher so everyone in the room could see. “Connor was cool with this. He wasn’t a homophobic jackass.” Jared stared hard at Larry when he said this, and the implication was obvious enough that Larry narrowed his eyes at Jared, taking a menacing step forward.

Cynthia let out a soft, “oh!” while Zoe just frowned at them. 

“Connor just...” Jared shrugged, scrambling for a good excuse that _wouldn't_ come back to bite him in the ass.

“Connor was bullied a lot,” Miguel said, voice steady, despite the fact that he felt ready to break down. “He didn’t want Jared to get bullied, too, and he would have if people knew they hung out.”

Cynthia sniffled. “My poor baby,” she whined, moving forward and grabbing Connor’s hand in her own. 

“Maybe we should go,” Miguel murmured to Jared, tugging him from the room. Zoe watched them suspiciously, but Larry and Cynthia didn’t notice as they left.

Neither spoke as they made their way back to the car. 

“You okay to drive, _pendejo_?”

Jared shook his head, passing his keys to Miguel. He stared out the window the whole way back to Miguel’s. Miguel parked on the street, turning to Jared. 

“How are you so calm?” Jared finally asked, glancing over at him.

Miguel shook his head. “Believe me, I’m not. But one of us has to stay calm and rational.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Hey, I can be calm and rational. I’m the king of rational.”

Miguel snickered, but it felt wrong, given what they’d just seen and experienced. He sighed, grabbing Jared’s hand.

“The last thing I said to him was... that he looked like a school shooter,” Jared said after a minute, sniffling. “What if he doesn’t wake up? What if that’s the last thing I ever get to say to him?”

“He knows you love him,” Miguel said firmly. “He knows we both love him, _pendejo_. And he knows you were putting on an act. He knows you didn’t mean it.”

Jared huffed, shaking his head. He felt drained. “I hope you’re right.”

“I’m _always_ right,” Miguel reminded him, kissing Jared’s cheek. Jared turned to him, leaning closer and pressing their lips together. It started as a quick, chaste kiss, but quickly became more insistent, almost needy. Jared was practically climbing over the console into Miguel’s lap.

“Mmmm, as much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t think you’re in the right state of mind for it,” Miguel admitted, pushing Jared back. “You’re too upset. You need to go home and rest.”

Jared pouted, but he knew Miguel was right. Even if he was too stubborn to admit it. 

“Or you can stay over again, if you want.”

“As much as I’d love that, I better make an appearance at home before my parents start to wonder why I’m spending so much time with ‘Evan.’”

Miguel nodded reluctantly. “Okay. But let me know when you’re home safe.” 

They got out of the car. Miguel came around to Jared’s side and pulled him in for one last hug. Jared snuggled close, burying his face in Miguel’s neck. They pulled apart and, with one final kiss, Miguel went inside and Jared got back in the car to go home.

~*~*~

Jared was grateful when he got home and his parents weren’t there – until he read the note they left: _Sitting Shiva at the Katz’s – Mrs. Katz’s mother passed last week. Leftovers in fridge. Home soon._

Jared winced, crumpling the letter up and tossing it across the room. He did _not_ want to think about sitting Shiva, when Connor was... When he might not...

Jared took his glasses off and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, desperate to not cry _again_. No one was home to witness it, at least, but he’d cried more today than he had in the last four years.

He shoved his glasses back on and stomped up to his room, closing and locking the door. He kneeled by his bed, pulling a box out from underneath. Inside was a framed photograph of him, Miguel and Connor, taken over the summer when the local carnival had come to town.

The carnival wasn’t exactly Miguel or Connor’s idea of fun, but Jared had just seen Love, Simon and – being the closeted hopeless romantic that he was – had convinced them to go. Connor, being the tallest, had taken the selfie; in the picture, they were all smooshed together, grinning like idiots, with Jared holding the unicorn stuffed animal Connor had won for him. Jared snickered at the memory – the game had been a beanbag toss, and Connor had shitty aim, but Jared had fallen in love with the unicorn and Connor had been determined to win it for him. $100 later, Jared had a soft, fluffy unicorn, and Connor had a shit-eating grin on his face because he’d beaten the stupid, rigged game AND made Jared happy.

Jared put the photo back into the box, then pulled the unicorn out and clutched it tight against his chest. He hated keeping the photo and unicorn hidden in a box under his bed, but Evan came over to play video games all the time, and would _definitely_ question the giant, gay rainbow unicorn if it was sitting on his bed all the time. And if he saw the picture of him, Connor and Miguel? He didn’t even want to think about it...

No, he didn’t want to think at all. He just wanted to curl into a ball on his bed and hug the unicorn and cry.

~*~*~

Evan was standing by Jared’s locker the next day. Jared froze at the end of the hall, wondering if he could get away with _not_ stopping at his locker. He knew Evan would ask if he was okay and he _really_ didn’t want to talk about it or cry _again_. Unfortunately, they had an open book test first period, so he had no choice but to go to his locker.

He huffed put a breath before marching over to Evan and holding his hand up. “Not a peep about the other day, Hansen. I mean it.”

Evan’s jaw dropped. “I just.. I wanted to make sure you’re, you know-“

“Not. A. Fucking. Word.” Jared (gently) shoved Evan aside so he could get what he needed. As soon as he had everything, he slammed his locker shut and took off without turning back to Evan. He felt a little bit guilty, but he just couldn’t.

~*~*~

Miguel paused in Connor’s hospital room doorway. He looked around to make sure the Murphy’s weren’t there before slipping into the room and sitting in the chair by Connor’s bed. He picked up Connor’s cold hand and held it between both of his own, trying to warm it.

“Dude, your hands are so fucking cold,” he said, shaking his head at Connor. “You’re never cold, it’s weird.” 

He felt a bit stupid talking to someone in a coma, but everything he’d read said that coma patients could hear when people talked to them, and sometimes it made them wake up faster. He’d try anything if it meant getting Connor to wake up.

“Remember that time you, Jared and I went to that ice cream place? And Jared dared you to eat that 12-scoop sundae and try to get on A La Mode’s Ice Cream Challenge Wall of Fame? But you got such a bad brain freeze after, like, the fifth scoop that you got a coffee, hoping it would counter the brain freeze and make the pain stop, but it just scalded the roof of your mouth?” He paused, frowning at Connor. “Maybe that’s not the best story for right now. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t joke about you making the pain stop when you’re... Like this.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing in frustration. “I don’t understand why you’d do this, _principito_. Why couldn’t you just _talk_ to us? We would have been there for you. We could have _helped_. You never could let those damn walls down long enough to admit you needed help.”

“What are you doing?”

Miguel jumped, turning to find Zoe standing there, eyes narrowed with suspicion. He stood, turning to face her. “Just... Wanted to check on Connor.”

How much had Zoe heard? What had he actually said? He couldn’t even remember..

“So, you two...?”

“Friends,” Miguel said quickly. Too quickly, apparently, because Zoe was eyeing him.

“Friends who.. hold hands?” Zoe questioned.

“Sure,” Miguel shrugged. “Friends can hold hands when they’re comforting each other.”

Zoe nodded. “And you and Jared...?”

“Obviously more than friends,” Miguel said with a smirk. “Something your dad clearly has a problem with.”

Zoe frowned at him, but didn’t say anything. “And Jared really IS my brother’s friend? Because all I’ve ever seen him do is bully him..”

“That’s just how Jared is. Connor didn’t care, they laughed about it outside of school,” Miguel assured her. 

“Okay, but that’s the other thing. I’ve _never_ seen either of you hang out with Connor outside of school.”

Miguel snickered. “Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, when Zoe glared at him. “But I mean.. Really? Of course you haven’t, _niña boba_. Did you really think Connor would have us come to _your_ house?”

“I guess you’re right..” Zoe finally said, sighing. “Sorry for the third degree. It’s just.. Connor’s never mentioned friends. And he’s a big target for bullies. And I know we haven’t been close in awhile, but...” She shrugged, crossing her arms. She glanced at Connor, blinking back tears. 

“You care about him,” Miguel said finishing her thought. “You know he cares about you, too.” Zoe snorted. “He does. He talks all the time about how he regrets the way he treated you. He wants to make things right but he doesn’t know how.”

“H-he said that?” Zoe asked, eyes widening. Miguel nodded. This proved too much for Zoe; she doubled over, tears streaming down her face. Miguel hesitated before moving forward. He gently touched Zoe’s arms, and she fell into him, sobbing into his shirt. 

“Sorry,” Zoe sniffled a few minutes later, pulling away. “That was dumb. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Miguel quirked a brow. “Why are you apologizing for crying?”

Zoe shrugged, scuffing her shoe along the floor. “I don’t even know you, and I just got snot all over your shirt.”

Miguel shrugged. “Not the first time someone has gotten snot all over my shirt,” he assured her, glancing at Connor.

Zoe followed his gaze, frowning. “I haven’t seen my brother cry in years.”

“Well, don’t tell him I told you. He’ll kill me,” Miguel sighed. “I’m saying too much.”

“If he wakes up...” Zoe said softly, swiping her hands under her eyes to dry them. 

Miguel rubbed Zoe’s back. “Hey, try not to think about that, okay?”

Zoe sniffled, but nodded.

“Zoe, we need to head home now.” Cynthia paused in the doorway, frowning. When Zoe and Miguel turned, though, her face lit up. “Oh! Miguel, right? I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first.”

Miguel shrugged, crossing his arms. “It’s alright, Mrs. Murphy.”

“No, no, call me Cynthia.” She smiled at him. “It’s so sweet of you to visit Connor.”

“How’s he... Is he doing any better?” Miguel asked, playing with the leather bracelet Connor had gifted him for Valentine’s Day. He knew immediately that Connor’s status hadn’t changed; Mrs. Murphy had tears in her eyes that weren’t there before.

“No, nothing has changed,” she managed to choke out. “The doctor’s say that isn’t unusual with overdo- with patients in Connor’s condition. It could take a few days before we see any kind of improve- any kind of change.”

Miguel fought to keep his expression neutral. He was angry at Mrs. Murphy. She was clearly ashamed to discuss Connor’s overdose. But his gut clenched when she hesitated over the word “improvement.” Like she didn’t want to say he would improve because he might not. Like the doctor’s didn’t think he would improve.

“Zoe, we really need to be going.” Mrs. Murphy frowned at Miguel. “We have family coming in from out of town. They’re...”

“In case Connor dies and we need sympathy pie and help with the dishes?” Zoe snapped.

“Zoe!” Cynthia gasped.

“Did you even tell them it was a suicide attempt? Or is that too much for their pure, conservative hearts to handle?”

“Zoe,” Cynthia cried, glancing anxiously at Miguel, then back to Zoe. “How dare you!”

Zoe sneered at her mother. “You know, I don’t think I’m ready to go home just yet. No way I can sit there and listen to some crazy old ladies shit talk Connor when he’s...”

“I can’t just leave you here, Zoe,” Cynthia retorted, sounding exasperated.

“I’ll take her home after visiting hours end,” Miguel said suddenly. 

Both Zoe and Cynthia turned to stare at him. He almost regretted it, but he knew it’s what Connor would want. Zoe shot him a grateful smile. But Cynthia looked wary.

“I don’t know... I don’t even know you. I don’t know if I feel comfortable with my daughter being alone in a car with you...”

“I’m not a stranger, I’m Connor’s friend,” Miguel reminded her. “And I’m hella gay, so she’s safe from any funny business.”

Cynthia’s eyes went wide with shock at his statement; it was one thing to see Miguel and Jared holding hands, another for Miguel to make such a bold pronouncement. Zoe snorted into her hand, making Miguel grin. 

“Well.. Well... Fine. Just... straight home from the hospital, alright?”

“I can’t promise I’ll do _anything_ straight, but I’ll try,” Miguel shrugged, grinning when this earned him a cackle from Zoe, and a look of abject horror from Cynthia.

Cynthia spluttered something unintelligible, then bolted.

Zoe snickered into her hand, shaking her head. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Miguel shrugged. “It’s cool. Happy to be the comic relief. That’s usually Jared’s role, so..”

Zoe frowned at him. Miguel shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

They fell into a (strangely) comfortable silence for the rest of visiting hours. When it was time to leave, they climbed into Miguel’s car, and Miguel started driving as soon as Zoe was buckled in.

“I need to give you directions,” Zoe reminded him.

“Ah, nope,” Miguel shrugged. “I said we didn’t hang out at your house; doesn’t mean I never drove Connor home.”

Zoe frowned questioningly at him again. “Why do I feel like you’re not telling me something?”

“Why would I tell you _anything_? I’m not gonna betray all of Connor’s secrets to you just because he’s in a coma, _niña boba_.”

“And if he doesn’t wake up?” Zoe asked, before realizing what her words implied. She looked down in shame.

Miguel was quiet for several minutes. He shrugged. “If he doesn’t, then... Then I guess his secrets die with him.” He flinched at how harsh his words sounded. 

Zoe scowled out the window, refusing to look at or respond to Miguel after that. The second the car stopped in front of her house, Zoe scrambled out of the car. But she hesitated when she went to close the door. She glanced back at him, chewing on her lip. “I’m glad my brother has you and Jared. And that he’s not as alone as we all thought. He... He deserves friends.” She slammed the car door before Miguel could respond, escaping into the house.

Miguel frowned after her, then threw the car into drive and headed home.

~*~*~

And so it went for the next several days. Miguel would head right to the hospital after work and stay with Connor until visiting hours ended. Jared would meet him there after school most days. The Murphy’s were in and out, as well, though Cynthia and Zoe were there more often than Larry.

On the fourth day, Miguel was making his way down the hall, two coffees in hand – one for Cynthia and one for himself – when an alarm at the nurse’s station went off. The nurse picked up the phone, spitting instructions into it, then bolted down the hall. Two more nurses and a doctor ran past Miguel, nearly knocking him off balance. He scowled after them – until he realized they were running into Connor’s room. 

Miguel was frozen. He couldn’t move. But he _had_ to. He needed to get to Connor’s side. He needed... He needed... 

He threw the coffees into the garbage and ran, skidding into Connor’s room. Chaos was unfolding before him. The nurses and doctor had Connor surrounded, doing compressions and pumping him with oxygen, and shootings things into the IV. 

A sob startled him from his shocked state. He turned to find Cynthia standing there, one hand covering her mouth to stifle her sobs, the other gripping the chair next to her, as if she couldn’t hold herself up without the support. Miguel hesitated before placing a hand on her shoulder. She startled, staring at him with wide-red eyes, before throwing herself into his arms, sobbing. She twisted around so she could watch the hospital staff work on Connor.

Miguel’s heart sank as, after ten minutes, the doctor motioned everyone to step back and wait. 

“What are you doing?” Cynthia wailed. “HELP HIM! HELP MY SON!” 

The doctor ignored her, staring intently at Connor, the machines, and Connor again. The beeping slowed, faltered, then flat-lined. 

“HELP HIM,” Cynthia cried shrilly, trying to pull out of Miguel’s arms, but he held her back; he’d made eye contact with the doctor, who just shook his head sadly. 

“Time of death...”

Cynthia wailed, drowning out the doctor’s pronouncement. The nurses flinched, staring at Cynthia with sadness, as they turned the heart monitor off. The flat-line stopped immediately. The room fell silent, except for Cynthia’s screams.

The doctor walked up to her and Miguel, his eyes filled with regret. “I’m very sorry, Mrs. Murphy. Take whatever time you need.” He and the nurses shuffled out, leaving Miguel and Cynthia alone. Only then did Miguel let her go so she could run to Connor’s side. She grabbed his hand, screaming and wailing and crying.

Miguel felt numb. He couldn’t move from his spot by the door. 

“No! My baby. No no _no_!” Cynthia wailed, burying her face in in Connor’s hair. 

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. Connor couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t... 

Miguel wasn’t sure how long he stood there, or how long Cynthia sobbed and wailed and screamed in denial. All he knew was that, eventually, she turned robotically to him. Her eyes looked blank, unfocused. She was staring at Miguel, but it was like she wasn’t actually seeing him.

“I... I need to... Larry. I need to... And Zoe... They need to... I need to tell them... And... They need...” She frowned, looking confused. She turned back to Connor, taking a step towards him, but immediately stepping backwards again. 

Miguel shuffled forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. He couldn’t look at Connor, refused to see him as he was now. “I’ll... I can go get Zoe from school, so you don’t have to leave C-Con-“ He cleared his throat. “So you can call your husband and get him here. Will you be okay if I...?”

Cynthia nodded. “I... Yes. Thank you.”

Miguel nodded. He made the mistake of looking over at Connor. He already looked so... Cold. Miguel choked back a whine and bolted, walking as quickly as he could to his car. 

Once he was locked in his car, he finally allowed himself to break down. He sobbed – loud, choking, gasping sobs. He slammed his hands against the steering wheel so hard, he knew his hands were going to be black and blue later. But he didn’t care. 

It was another ten minutes before he calmed down enough to drive. And even then, it took more effort than usual to pay attention to where he was going. It took him twice as long to get to the school. When he did, he parked up front in the carpool lane, ignoring the school attendant who yelled at him that he couldn’t park there. He walked right past them, numb, until he stood on the sidewalk, staring up at the school doors.

Jared came out of the building a few minutes later. Evan was by his side, and they were clearly arguing about something. It took Jared a minute to notice Miguel, but when he did, it was like he knew. Miguel wasn’t sure what Jared saw on his face, but he dropped his bag and walked towards him, his movements slow and stiff, as if he was fighting the desire to run.

“No,” was all he said to Miguel. “No.”

Miguel’s lip trembled. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, _pendejo_.”

“Fucking NO,” Jared snarled, shaking his head, angry tears streaming down his face. “NO.”

“I’m _sorry_ , but he’s... Connor’s...”

Jared choked on a wail, falling to his knees. Miguel lunged forward, grabbing him just in time to soften the blow, but they both went down onto the asphalt. Miguel wrapped his arms around Jared, and Jared sobbed into his chest, repeating “no” over and over again. Miguel glanced up at Evan, who’d moved closer, a look of horror on his face. He’d never seen Jared fall apart like this; it scared him.

And then Zoe was there, standing on the steps of the school, frozen. She stared in horror at Jared, then locked eyes with Miguel. Her bag fell beside Jared’s as she walked numbly towards them, collapsing beside them. She stared at Miguel, afraid to speak, afraid to confirm what she already knew. But at a small shake of Miguel’s head, she broke. Miguel reached an arm out, pulling her in.


End file.
